Saturday, September 21, 2013

Things that make you go poop.

I was by the crib, sittin' by the little one,
Drinkin' leche on the puke stained rug.
 I got a familiar gurgle, what the fuck is that feeling?
Thought to myself then started to shrug.
Got to the shitter. Ding Dong. What is it?
My milk ran its course and diarrhea had paid me a visit.
Rumbly in my tumbly, I look at the wall,
I knew that I was completely fucked. Completely dropped the ball.
I'd run out of TP, shit, I couldn't even move,
I know my proctologist just wouldn't approve.
I didn't realize, my sphincter just wouldn't squeeze!
Yo, my butthole control just left me! No!
Yeah, but I lost control I just couldn't wait.
I yelled TP, baby, baby, TP, baby, baby, GREAT!
My Hub bust in, caught a whiff of that room,
He said, "Milk, again?"

Things that make you go poop.
Things that make you go poop.
Things that make you go poop.
Things that make you go poop, poop, poop.
Things that make you go poop.

Here's how it started, just an example,
Of how your intestines can trample,
Ruin your life, stab you in the gut with a knife.
Watch your behind!
There was a day I was feelin' kinda grey.
Would drink some coffee, to keep the Zzz's at bay.
I'd been up all night. I thought I was alright.
Had some caffeine...but my belly started gettin' tight.
So damned acidic,  my ass started doin' the rhumba.
Clenching my buttcheeks, my eyes go,t big,
My butthole wasn't going to make it to its next gig.
I'd had my coffee, now it was time to pay the piper,
All over the floor, I should just wear a diaper.
The time had come (to kick that coffee scene),
But I can't commit to tea in a way the Zzz's would believe.
So my bill came due in that bathroom.

The things that make you go poop.
Things that make you go poop.
The things that make you go poop, poop, poop.
The things that make you go poop.
Things that make you go poop.
The things that make you go poop.

 Jaysus Keeerist, Hub - gimme dat TP!

Give it to me, Give it to me, Give it to me, Give it to me! (x7)
Give it to me, Give it to me!

Thirty-four, and I was havin' a ball.
Just had another kid and, yo, I knew it all.
I was making mac and cheese, like every other time,
So much Tillamook, it would blow your mind!
It was delicious, it was in its own class.
I went back for seconds so fast I got whiplash.
I ate all that cheddar and pasta...then my heart beat stopped.
All that dairy and gluten filled me to the top.
Time went by and I filled my pants and the toilet.
 I couldn't get the stains out, my Mom says to boil it.
My boy kept tellin' me, "Yo, Momma, I don't know,
I think that mac and cheese is making you go."
I love pasta and pasta loves me, it's pathetic.
Why can't my ass understand?  Why can't it be sympathetic?
But no, it's gotta fill my plumbing with that special beat,
Its gotta bitch and moan, "Gonna stop eatin' that wheat?"

(Chorus)
Things that make you go poop.
Things that make you go poop.
It's the things that make you go poop.

(Repeat Chorus)

Hey ladies,
Have you ever had a beer?
Lookin' so sexy at the bar, but then you feel queer?
You're tryin' to be nonchalant, but it just don't work.
You realize the beer's hit you hard and you jump up with a jerk.
 Tellin' your date you don't have time to eat,
And you're not even hungry, you just want to RETREAT.
To the bathroom, your insides gots the hurts.
The poo's coming out in radical spurts.
A mysterious miasma of odorous ick,
Drifts out the door, when you realize the lock didn't go "click".
The door's hangin' open, full view of the bar,
You're so embarrassed, would've rather just shit in the car.
 You were dressed to a T to hang with the fellas,
 But now those other hoochie mommas ain't so jealous.
Comin' home early smellin' like that special perfume...

(Repeat Chorus x7)

Things that make you go poop.
 
NOTE: To those of you (like my Hub) who evidently don't remember this tune from C&C Music Factory: http://youtu.be/XF2ayWcJfxo

No comments:

Post a Comment